(conclusion) Every Bear Does It At Least Once

[jpinsd]

So, due to the overwhelming response, I will be growing the beard back. Thank you all for voting!

I'm actually pretty happy with that, considering i was missing the beard about 3 minutes after I shaved it off. I'm still having to deal with the gray, tho. I'm not bothered that I have gray hair, it's what it represents.

As some of you know, I spent over a decade cocooned away, not doing much of anything. Although I'm 41, I still feel like I'm 31 — until I see all that gray. It reminds me that I wasted 10 years: not dating, not falling in love, not living, just hiding.

So now i'm trying to make up for lost time :-)

I decided to keep a visual record of how long it takes to grow the beard back (inspired by bigkid's same photo record).

Here's day 1

Comments

[liquid-wayno.livejournal.com]

if you're anything like me at all, you'll have a full beard in about 10-14 days

[cpratt.livejournal.com]

Let's see... the gray hair represents what exactly? You're 41. It's supposed to be gray.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

I'm not bothered that I have gray hair at 41, I'm bothered that I suddenly find myself to *be* 41. I'm angry at myself for throwing away 10 years of my life, hiding away in my house, and not being social and active.

The gray hair is a physical reminder that I missed out on so much.

And now, I'm trying to make up for lost time :-)

[cpratt.livejournal.com]

But surely those missing ten years are part of what makes you, well, you? You seem just fine now, so why regret what you got you here today?

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

Thanks. You're right; the gestalt of all my life experiences add to the uniqueness that is ... well... me.

I just wonder how many amazing people I could have met, but didn't. Would I have already found my life partner by now (or at least had a great deal more sex)? Those are just a few of the things I wonder about; tho I try not to dwell on them too much, they're still things I think about.

If I can offer a bit of perspective:

[liquid-wayno.livejournal.com]

Within the past two years, I've met way more people in real life through this LJ-contraption, than I had throughout the rest of my whole 'queer-career' (and I'm almost two years older than you !!). You've got plenty of time to catch up.

[kingfuraday.livejournal.com]

This might come as a surprise to a lot of people, but life is not a contest to see who can have the most sex... Hmm, ok wait - according to Darwin I think it actually is. Hmmm... well, nevermind...

[ericsandgo.livejournal.com]

It is hard for me to believe that things truly don't happen for reasons. I try not to question the why of life's experiences and focus more on the addressing the future with the body of experience I have gained. (smile)

[kingfuraday.livejournal.com]

I agree with Chris - you feel like you wasted 10 years. Ok, now use that energy for something positive - don't let it weigh you down.

Think about how good it feels to be mixing it up and taking part. Let that own your thoughts - not the past.

And be it known, I like the goatee on you - I just like the beard a bit more.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

Good advice, and i think that is my next step. I need to look in the mirror each morning and think about all the potentially cool people I have yet to meet, and the places to go, and experiences to be had. I need to use the gray hair as a visual kick in the butt; as a way of saying "do it now, while you can, and enjoy it!".

I do think i'm doing that a bit already. Yes, it does feel good to be mixin' it up again, and with such a great group of people!

So, yeah, you're all right. It's time to move past the regrets, and focus on the future; a future filled with good friends, and dancing shirtless with a ton of hunky guys. ;-)


New mood : Optimistic

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

p.s. thanks. I'm not as sold on the goatee as I was a few years ago. I think I really do like the beard. It just took shaving it off to realize how much I liked it!

'cause, you know, you never really appreciate what ya got, until it's gone. or something.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

... who is Molly Weber?

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

yeah, next time i've had a few drinks, remind me to tell you about the last time I heard that phrase...

[xianjessen.livejournal.com]

You call that a gray beard at 41? Amateur. Look at me--and I don't turn 41 until April!

I blame the loving and living.

For the record, I thought you rocked all three looks equally well. I say put them all in rotation.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

ok, ok. i concede. You do have more gray in your beard. But it looks good on you! I'm just getting used to it on me.

and thanks! It's easy enough to rotate through all three looks. I just shave the beard off, and the scruffy happens on the way back to full beard. Just check my daily progress pics in a week or so to see " the scruffy" ;-)

[xianjessen.livejournal.com]

I've got you friended now. You'll be like my online Chia Pet.

I must also concede. I love gray hair on other men and have been into mine so far, but the accelerated graying on my chin just in the past year has been kinda shocking.

And gray looks good on you, too. You just need to embrace it.

[lenashore.livejournal.com]

Considering the discussion, I think you guys would like this site I found. Make sure you look at the photo galleries... as the cartoons might make you think all beards make you look like a dork - which I think we all know is completely opposite of the truth.

http://www.beards.org/styles.php

[lenashore.livejournal.com]

You know, now that I look around on that site - I feel like you all must know about it already. It's like the gay bear holy grail.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

Lena! that site is cool. I didn't even know all those styles had specific names.

Thanks for the link, hon!

[dreamm-ryter.livejournal.com]

I shaved my beard down to a goatee about a week and a half ago because I wanted to know how I would fair with the old way - the moment it was all done, I feel naked without the beard. I'm never doing that again.

And I understand about making up for lost time. I lived in Baton Rouge for ten years and about four months ago moved back to my hometown of New Orleans to start all over again. It was hard trying to adjust, but once I did, I NEVER realized how much I was missing out of life because of this comfortable simple life I had in Baton Rouge.

You may just be coming out of your shell; I've been out of mine for about four months. If you continue at the pace your going, I can tell you that things will definitely be better in four months.

*hugs*


ANDRE

[dreamm-ryter.livejournal.com]

.....if not sooner (than four months).

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

Thanks Andre!

Its good to hear I'm not the only one who does things we later regret ( like shaving off the beard, or cocooning for years at a time ;-)

Thanks for the encouraging words, and best of luck to you in your new life, also!

[ericsandgo.livejournal.com]

Y'know, the goatee looks great, so does the beard. Don't grow facial hair for other people though, do what makes YOU feel good. That is most important, no?

Would you REALLY want to date someone who chose you (and conversely, may have turned you down) based on your FACIAL HAIR?!?!?!?!

Glad you're gettin' out there my old friend.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

Hey there Eric!
Long time no see :-)

I think one of the reasons i shaved the beard off was because I have had a goatee for so long, and that was what was familiar. But moments after I had shaved it, i regretted it. Proof again that it's time for me to move beyond "the familiar", and enter into new territory.

I've now come to terms with "The Gray", thanks to some probing questions, advice, and compliments from my friends. Thanks, you guys :-)

I agree about not radically trying to change yourself just so somebody else will find you attractive enough to date; that relationship can never last long.

Mostly, I was just asking for feedback; what did people think? Goatee, Scruffy, or fully bearded? It's kind of like when you buy a new shirt that you think you like, but you're not sure if you should be wearing it, so you ask a couple buddies what they think about it. If they almost all agree you look like a rainbow princess sugar fairy kitten circus performer ( and that's totally not the look you were going for), then you can easily return the shirt. In my case, I'm just growing my beard back.

Hope to see ya out, now and again!

[lvmybehrs.livejournal.com]

Is Day 004 on Flikr the...."Come hither look? If so…it works.

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

no, i wasn't really trying to do that... but now i'm going to have to practice that look! hehe.

[lvmybehrs.livejournal.com]

Own your inner “sex pot”!

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

I have an inner sex-pot? really?
I *so* need to find out how to let that out.

[lvmybehrs.livejournal.com]

Oh, I could so go somewhere with that open-ended comment…, but I will grin, bite and grind my teeth, and sit on both hands and let that one slide. I must be a gentleman. ;-)

[jpinsd.livejournal.com]

HAhahahaha!

you naughty man.

[lvmybehrs.livejournal.com]

Me, Naughty?

What would give youthat impression? :)